Relationships and Sobriety: Should I Date Someone During Recovery?

 

No one wants to be alone.

We all want to love and be loved. This is actually a God-thing. He created us this way. So, wanting to be in a relationship is a good thing.

But a good thing at the wrong time is a bad thing.

And a good thing with the wrong person is a worse thing.

Since many of us going through recovery want to know whether we should date or not, it’s important that we address two big issues about this topic: who and when?

  1. Who

Who you decide to spend your life with is the second most important decision you will ever make in your life. (The first is where you decide to spend eternity). The spouse you choose will have a greater impact (either for the better or the worse) in your life than any other person ever will. So, who you date is a very important decision.

Let’s first look at what the Bible has to say about this. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, it says not to “be unequally yoked” (ESV). That means that two people in a relationship need to be...

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The Importance of Connecting with Others in Recovery

How do athletes increase their chances of winning games?

What do investors do to increase the probability of earning good returns?

The answer is the same for both.

They do the things that have been proven to work.

Athletes, for example, exercise. They practice. And they eat healthy before a game. Why? Because these things have proven to be effective ways to accomplish their goal of winning games.

Investors select quality companies, consistently put money into them, and hold out for the long haul. Why? Because these steps have worked in the past.

The same is true for addicts in recovery.

How do addicts overcome addiction and avoid relapse? By doing the things that have worked in the past for others who have successfully beaten addiction.

One of those things is connecting with others in recovery. Building friendships with people who can relate to your struggle is essential. We all need others to encourage us through hard times. And overcoming addiction tends to be one of those hard...

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Day 4 of My New Life..........Again.

So, here we are. It's day four, and you know, I'm feeling kind of good. In a strange sense, It's a little easier to do this time around because frankly, I know what to expect. I know how my body is going to respond and how long it's going to take to feel normal again.


But yet, of course, there is that voice of regret in the back of my mind as well. It's the voice that's inwardly scolding myself for not getting it right the first time around. The voice that's saying..well why weren't you just strong enough to stick to what you started in the first place. So each day I feel that I am living in this tension, on one hand, knowing that the cravings and the achings in my body will eventually pass and once this new routine is habit I will be feeling fantastic and back to where I was before in no time.

Last May, I started a diet program that many of my close friends at our home church were doing, and they were having a lot of success.


At first, I didn't think I needed to change, but then I...

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I went six months without smoking, when I finally had another cigarette the unthinkable happened

I'll never forget the last pull I had on a cigarette. Back in 2005, I had been in Teen Challenge for quite a while and was having a terrible day. We were out participating in a door-to-door fundraising activity in the suburbs of Long Island. Nothing went right about that day. Every attempt to raise money ended with one resounding no after the next. To make it worse my fundraising partner was just altogether angry at life in general. My day was conspiring against me to make sure nothing went right.

After a few more hours of misery and rejection from every house I went to, I found myself in a conversation with my fundraising partner about how nice it would be to have a cigarette. It seemed that after of 6 months of not smoking this stress was enough to merit breaking the streak.

After a few more houses my fundraising partner chased me down with a lit cigarette in his hand and informed me he had been successful in finding one.

Without a second thought, I grabbed the cigarette from him,...

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Helping Without Enabling: Is It Wrong to Hold the Addict We Love Accountable? Part II

In Part I of this blog post, we talked about helping an addict without enabling.

And we ended by asking how to deal with the guilty feelings that come with such strong expectations. We feel like we’re being un-Christian by not “helping.” So, how do we deal with these negative emotions and truly help the ones we love overcome their struggle?

Let’s look at how Jesus handled the situation and see what we can learn about addressing these feelings in ourselves as we move forward.

In John Chapter 8, a group of religious people brought a woman they caught cheating on her husband to where Jesus was. The law said to kill her for what she did. The leaders asked Jesus what he thought they should do. Jesus pointed out the fact that none of them were perfect. Embarrassed about their own shortcomings, they all left. Only the woman remained there alone with Jesus. So, he asked her who was there to condemn her for her crime. She said, She said, “No one, Lord.”...

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Helping Without Enabling: Is It Wrong to Hold the Addict We Love Accountable? Part I

What do you do when someone you love has an addiction and needs your help?

“Hey, I’m struggling to pay some bills and need some spare cash?” they ask. Or, “Do you think you could help me out just this one time?”

As a Christian, you want to help. You want to be that light, that love.

But how much help is too much? When does helping become enabling?

Enabling, in the context of us and the addict we love, simply means that we give the struggling addict what (s)he needs to fuel their addiction by trying to help.

And there is a danger to enabling an addict. What happens is that (s)he gets worse because (s)he has the means to fuel the addiction. We feel lied to and taken advantage of. The addict wants more fuel for the addiction so (s)he manipulates us to get it. We feel guilty for “not helping” and the negative emotions make us uncomfortable. So, we try to “help” to ease the pain/guilt. The cycle repeats itself. And both parties lose.

...
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How to Help a Recovering Addict: 3 Ways to Motivate a Change

 

Addiction is a very real problem that hurts many people. The addict, his or her family, and extended friends suffer along with the person struggling with the addiction. And, unfortunately, many of those loved ones feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness?

Have you ever asked yourself, “What can I do to help?” Have you ever said that nothing you do works? If so, you may be struggling to figure out how to help a recovering addict to overcome the addiction that is hurting you and your family so deeply.

The truth is that you can help. The situation is not hopeless. And there are several things you can do to support the person battling an addiction and help him or her to overcome the struggle. Let’s look at 3 ways you can help.

1. Believe FOR the Person that Hope Is Possible

Just as you feel hopeless, so too does the person you love who is struggling with the addiction. (S)he feels as though it is impossible to overcome. And (s)he must believe that there is in...

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The #1 Most Important Thing to Do to Help a Recovering Addict

Figuring out how to help a recovering addict can be a daunting task. Where do you start? What do you say? Will the situation ever change?

The truth is that there are many people who have helped their loved ones to recover and are now enjoying a better life with them. So, what can you do to help? Let’s explore the #1 most important thing you can do to get involved and get results.

Introduce Them to a New Social Circle

Our social circle is basically the places we go and the people we associate with. And we tend to find the people and places that are most like us, the ones we are comfortable with. Thus, addicts tend to form friendships with other users and frequent the same places as those users. So, overcoming an addiction is not just about no longer using or drinking. It is about revamping the entire social circle. But how does an addict just drop all of that and make new associations? In most cases, (s)he doesn’t. And that’s where you come in.

Now,...

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The Biggest Myth About Addiction Exposed

Do you remember coming home from school in 4th grade and telling your parents you needed a particular brand-new pair of $130 shoes? “Why do you need that?” your Mom responded. “Because,” you said, “everyone is wearing them.”

And that’s when she hit you with the question that somebody’s great-great-great-grandmother invented. “Well, if everyone jumps off a bridge are you going to jump too?”

True or true? At some point in your life, somebody has asked you that question.

But do we ever stop to think about the wisdom behind that question?

The point is that just because everyone does or says something doesn’t mean it’s right.

So, what in the world does that have to do with how to help a recovering addict?

Everything!

What you are about to read could be the single, most important piece of understanding that will help you to help the person you love recover from their addiction.

So, what are we talking about?

Well,...

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How To Help An Addict In Recovery

WOOT WOOT! A loved one who is an addict has entered a treatment program and is officially in recovery. Now what? What do you say? What do you not say? Are the right words that important? What about family functions? Can champagne still be served at celebrations? What about inviting them over for the big game? Is it okay to have a beer in their presence? What about that leftover pain medication in the bathroom closet? Life with a recovering addict may seem filled with all sorts of tricky navigation. Here are some helpful suggestions.

Words DO Matter: Yes, there are all the right things that you should say. But there are also some things that you shouldn't say.

Do say things that are:

  • Encouraging. Sharing a recovery success story can inspire a recovering addict.
  • Comfort. Knowing that someone is willing to listen is just the type of emotional support someone in recovery needs.
  • Funny. Humor goes a long way toward healing, comforting, encouraging and distracting anyone, including...
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