I grew up in a great home. I had two amazing parents that cared for me and loved me so much. They did their absolute best to ensure that I had everything I needed to live a successful and productive life.
My parents never gave me drugs or encouraged me to party. Yet there was still a point where I chose to follow that path. I share my personal experience with this because it would be absolutely absurd for me to realistically blame my family because of my poor choices.
Yet many parents; after making attempts to help their loved ones, will live with a false sense of guilt. They take the blame on themselves.
“I remember a lot of emotionally, charged conversations with my parents during the end of my addiction. When the topic of finally going into a program would come up, I would do a lot of blaming. In the midst of the moment, Mom would reply with comments like “What did I do to cause this?” “What could we have done differently?” My addiction existed...
One of the topics that often comes up in the world of recovery is the topic of enabling. This is a common issue for those close to anyone with an addiction.
Often times it’s hard to see the difference between whether we are helping or harming those we care about.
Enable is defined as: give authority, to allow, to permit, to make it easy.
I want you to think about this. When you enable, you shield your loved ones of the consequences of poor choices. Stephanie, who is currently serving as our receptionist, recently shared her story about this.
She said, “My parents compromised with me, agreeing with me that using in the house was okay because it was only marijuana. That little compromise my parents made with me enabled me to take it and run with it.”
Again, look at our definition here; enable is to allow, to permit, to make it easy. You have to be careful that you’re not making it easy for your loved ones to make poor choices that will lead to their...
You're overwhelmed. Life is going on all around you and suddenly crisis happens. You're faced with a problem.
Ever been there?
You don’t need to have experience in addiction or have had to battle with a family member in addiction in order to understand the nature of dealing with a problem.
Though for many of us our initial reaction is to try and find a way to avoid dealing with the problem. We don’t want to be inconvenienced by what we're facing so we move on and tell ourselves we will get to it later.
The bigger concern is sometimes this becomes a pattern. We move from problem to avoidance to a new problem to avoidance. After a while we end up standing on top of a mountain of issues.
I’ve been involved in a few remodeling projects throughout the course of my life. One of them we worked on is a building that had been built in 1937. It seemed that every time we pulled a piece of Sheetrock off or began to work on a room, we would uncover another issue that we...
In my last post I discussed how it’s going to take Hope to move us out of the place of brokenness. Jesus is the true giver of Hope and as we receive this Hope we can start to see the pieces of our lives being put back together.
Another part of moving beyond our broken past is truly seeing God restoring our relationships.
It’s hard to see the beauty when we're still standing in the ashes of broken relationships.
If you're ready to see your relationships begin to come back together, the best place to start is asking God for help. He longs to help you!
James 1:5 - “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Search His word for Wisdom and guidance and He will give it to you. Here are five steps for restoring relationships.
5 Biblical Steps for Restoring Broken Relationships
Be committed in Love
It’s important to know that true love empowers...
One Word: HOPE
Hope- a feeling of expectation and desires for a certain thing to happen, goal, plan, wish, expectation, a feeling of trust
One of the biggest struggles that we face in trying to move forward when dealing with a loved one in addiction is what seems to be a lack of hope.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12 )
It’s hard to see the beauty when you're still standing in the ashes
This has to be the biggest battle you're most likely facing today. So many times you’ve been filled with false hope and the truth is that when Hope is put off time and time again, or when we get our hopes up to be let down, we live with heavy hearts. From a place of heaviness we can find ourselves making poor choices; choices that cause us to break boundaries we might have not previously broken.
How do we move beyond this brokenness? In our human frailty, broken pieces cause hurt and pain, but God who is full of...
I was sitting in church one day and right as the Pastor got up to speak I began to hear a really faint ringtone. It wasn’t your traditional phone ringing. Someone had put a long song as their ringtone. At first I thought that I was the only one hearing it and it would just go away. After a few minutes I began to look to try and figure out where it was coming from and began to notice that other people heard the ringing as well. Now generally most people when their phone goes off during a service they notice it quickly and rush to turn it off. It typically catches a person off-guard. (Also just a side-note this is really awkward when you're the speaker. True story, my cell phone rang from the pulpit before. I have been caught in quite a few moments just like this one.)
It seems that someone was really trying to get a hold of them because the phone rang for a good 15 minutes during the service. What was astonishing is that everyone else around them would glance periodically...
We have survived, shew. Winter Storm Jonas hit the East Coast with all fanfare and force that was forecasted. Some areas reported as much as 42” inches of snow, placing this storm in the history books.
I spent much of the weekend watching the storm out of the window and following many of my friends on Social Media, keeping up with their various interactions with the snow. A few of them were pretty diligent to begin shoveling their porches and driveways as the storm was happening. I watched their efforts and commended them but decided that I enjoyed my warm house and not getting snow in my face, thinking I would wait until the storm passed to being my clean-up. I ventured out of the house on Sunday morning to start digging out. After a few moments I began to realize that if I had started like many of my friends had, I wouldn't have quite as much snow to remove.
As I proceeded outside with over two feet of snow and everything covered, it was really overwhelming to even figure...
You suspected that there might be something happening for a while now. You've seen the signs. Late night arrivals home after everyone else is asleep. Inconsistencies in the stories of where their paycheck disappeared to. Bloodshot eyes and irrational behavior. Then finally you get the proof. You catch them using or you find the drugs in the car. This is a challenging moment for any parent. When a parent finds out there loved one is addicted, the grief that is associated with this can be overwhelming. Depending on the severity of the abuse, dealing with an addicted child can leave us facing the same stages of grief as when we lose a loved one.
Denial - When you first find out and the immediate gut reaction is, "My child would never do that." "They know better." Anything to avoid the reality of what is actually happening. This is a protection mechanism for us as humans and it is absolutely normal when we get news that is shocking.
Anger - This anger is perfectly...
The phone rings, you pick up and hear the voice on the other end announce that you've got a collect call coming in from the regional jail. As you reluctantly accept the call you brace yourself to hear what you have heard so many times before. Almost certain that the request for bail money is going to come, you begin to reason with yourself as to why you should or shouldn't post bail this time around. How do I handle these empty promises I am certain to hear.
"He/She told you this time would be different."
"I could hear a greater desperation in their voice."
"Maybe they have finally reached rock bottom."
"They have finally agreed to get help."
"How is this going to be any different"
You want to believe and for so long you have been hoping that something would happen; that there would be a spark or a cry for help. Yet on the other hand, is this truly that moment? Or are they just looking for a temporary rescue from woeful behavior.
Maybe you have never gotten a call from the regional...
I have become a huge fan of the Dave Ramsey show over the past few years. On my way to the office this morning the podcast from yesterday especially peaked my interest. I would encourage you to take a few minutes and listen to the first 10 minutes of this podcast as you have time today. Dealing With a Family Member Who is An Addict
Dave Ramsey is well-known for his solid financial advice and that same wisdom carried over today into this advice he gives on his show to a mother that is dealing with an addicted son-in-law.
Dave gives a few clear pieces of advice here that apply well to anyone that is struggling with a family member.
So often in a family's attempts to help there is so much desperation to see change that the family will allow the addict to set the terms of their support.
This is often evident with statements like "If you loved me you would...." The addict will attempt to guilt the family member into believing that they are loving them by supporting their habit. Enabling...