Have you ever experienced the frustration of trying to help someone who refuses to themselves?
How many times have you been burned trying to love someone who is selfish?
The reality is that this is a real problem. And it hurts.
This person could be a friend. It could be someone we are in a relationship with. Maybe it’s a family member.
We don’t want to stop helping them, but at the same time, we see no improvement and keep getting attacked for trying to be a friend.
Can you relate to this? Have you been asking what to do in this sort of situation?
If so, we’ve got some suggestions about how to handle an addict who only cares about themselves.
In fact, there are 3 things you can do to address this right away.
Let’s go through each one and see what insights we can glean.
1. Establish Boundaries
Agreeing to help someone does not mean you become their doormat for them to walk on as they please. This is especially the case if the addict you are trying to help is...
How to Deal with an Addict Who Always Lies to You
Has the person you’ve been trying to help on the road to recovery been lying to you?
Do you feel that the declarations of sobriety aren’t necessarily true?
Sometimes addicts try to hide their situation, especially from the people who would be most disappointed over their relapse.
If you find yourself in this situation, then there are 3 pieces of wisdom that you have to understand.
These 3 statements are powerful guidelines to follow if you feel that the addict you are trying to help is hiding their drug use and is lying to you about it.
But before we explore those 3 thoughts together, there is something we must remember.
The person isn’t lying to hurt you. (S)he is not doing it with the intention to cause you harm. There are several reasons why the person may be hiding the truth from you.
Proverbs 13:12 -
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
This verse is a picture of what most family members feel when it comes to their loved ones. It’s interesting how in the following verses there is a substantial list of contrast.
These differences parallel the rewards of obeying the Word of God and then the following consequences to disobeying the Word.
This one verse really stuck out to me when I was re-reading this passage after hearing a preacher deliver a sermon from it.
“Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, But he who regards a rebuke will be honored.”
If your loved one is currently in rebellion, I know it can be hard to find this type of scripture comforting.
But it can certainly be a great learning tool to help us adjust our response to a challenging situation.It’s been my experience that when an addict typically makes a mess, most parents will jump right in and clean the mess up....
People hurting us is a part of life. The question is how are we going to respond.
When it comes to offense, we can begin to deal with it by asking ourselves an important question. When are we most like Christ?
Is it when we read our Bibles? When we pray?
Is it when God uses us to do powerful miracles in His name?
The truth about this question may shock you. But to get to the answer, we must first answer another question – why did the Jews want to kill Jesus?
In Luke 5, some people lowered a paralyzed man through the roof down into the house where Jesus was. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, “your sins are forgiven.” (Luke 5:20)
Now watch at how the religious leaders respond:
“But the Pharisees and teachers of religious law said to themselves, “Who does he think he is? That’s blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins!” (Luke 5:21)
They wanted to kill Jesus because He said he was God by saying that he forgave someone’s sins!...
It’s that exciting time of year when you’re ready to enjoy the vacation you’ve been planning for months.
The bags are packed, the car is gassed up, and you are ready to hit the road.
Finally, you are relaxed. The wind is blowing as you roll down the windows and cruise to your destination.
You arrive. The hotel is nice. The pool is inviting. And you have plans to explore for the next 10 days.
And then everything changes.
The person you love disappoints you with a broken promise – a promise never to use drugs or alcohol again, especially on your family vacation.
All the problems from the past flood in and hit you at once. You remember the fights, the late nights, the tears, and the efforts to help. All to no avail.
Now, not only are you dealing with someone you love who is using drugs or alcohol again. But you are dealing with it on your summer vacation.
The question is what to do about it.
How do we handle such a disappointment at this time of year? What can...
I'm 31 this year. My entire 20's has flown by as I've spent them fully engaged and committed to growing a non-profit to help drug addicts and it's been a great journey.
I serve today as the Executive Director alongside my wife for the organization of Shenandoah Valley Teen Challenge. It's awesome.
5 years ago I found myself in a quandary, we had just made a decision to purchase a piece of property for the ministry that cost almost 1 million dollars. This property would enable us to help more people struggling with addiction. We made the move and for a while, the phones were ringing and our beds were staying full and everything was going according to plan then one day the calls stopped coming.
Like completely stopped.
It was quite the pickle.
After I exhausted my contact list to let people know we had space, I began to read books to learn about how I could better market our ministry so people knew we existed. I had never read much into marketing.
We had a great birthday party for Chloe today and celebrated with a Fun Noodle Obstacle Course.
We played a couple of different games with the course.
First, the two teams lined up, each person ran the entire course, came back and tagged their partner. First team to get all their members through the course win.
Second, a relay race. One Team Member at the beginning of each obstacle. They tagged each person and ran through.
A couple of things that I didn't mention in the video. Use duct tape for the rings. It holds them together well.
48 - Fun Noodles @ $0.98/each
22 - 1/4" round x 48" long wooden dowels -$.68/each (cut into pieces and placed in the ground to hold the obstacles in place)
2 - Kiddy Pools - $6.98/each
Roll of Duct Tape
6 Sponge Balls - Sponge Ball Instructions
The kids seemed to enjoy the course and we saved the noodles to use at another party we are having later in the summer.
When addiction gets into the family system, the thought of holiday family gatherings, conversations at dinner, and other events that functional families experience rapidly fades. Our perceptions of normal life, as we once knew, all but disappears. Emotions become tense and fearful that the addicted family member will get arrested, hurt someone else, or even die because of the intensity of the habit. As loved ones, we become as involved with the addiction as the addict. Most hopes and dreams for a normal family life almost entirely disappear. What most parents do not realize that the non-user or family member becomes just as involved in a life-controlling situation as the user. This makes any hope of an immediate restoration tough. The past continues to linger on even though the addiction to drugs/alcohol may have ceased.
As believers, the Bible gave us the answers but will never see the solutions unless we apply them. Our goal is to tear down the barriers before we move...
The bible tells us that forgiveness is not an option for a Christian,
Eph.5:31-32. "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
But one thing that we often separate from forgiveness is reconciliation.
They are not the same. This is a process that goes way beyond forgiveness and may always take time to jell.
The bible also tells us that as Christians we all are in the ministry of reconciliation. 2 Cor 5:19. that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
We see that God did two things for the Apostle Paul. First, he reconciled Paul to himself through Christ, and second, he gave Paul the ministry of reconciliation. For the unbeliever, the same principals should still apply. ...
“This can’t be happening!”
“There is no way my kid would do that.”
“I taught them better than this. I mean they know better.”
“He grew up in the church.”
“She’s always been so responsible.”
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
These are many of the statements that parents rehearse when they find out that their loved one is trapped in addiction.
You tell yourself stories to avoid the grief associated with that child now being stuck right in the middle of a problem that controls their life. A problem that if not dealt with could cost them their life. It’s pretty dangerous.
The truth of this, just like with any grief. You deny the problem. It’s the first step in coping with a reality that has smacked you hard in your face.
“My Kid is an Addict.”
As a loving parent that prognosis is not one, you want to accept. So the initial gut-check response is to deny it or ignore it.