How to Deal with an Addict Who Always Lies to You

How to Deal with an Addict Who Always Lies to You

Has the person you’ve been trying to help on the road to recovery been lying to you?

Do you feel that the declarations of sobriety aren’t necessarily true?

Sometimes addicts try to hide their situation, especially from the people who would be most disappointed over their relapse.

If you find yourself in this situation, then there are 3 pieces of wisdom that you have to understand.

These 3 statements are powerful guidelines to follow if you feel that the addict you are trying to help is hiding their drug use and is lying to you about it.

But before we explore those 3 thoughts together, there is something we must remember.

The person isn’t lying to hurt you. (S)he is not doing it with the intention to cause you harm. There are several reasons why the person may be hiding the truth from you.

  • They don’t want to disappoint you.

  • They don’t want to lose your support because recovery is still their ultimate goal.

  • They don’t want to feel like their failure is too big to manage. Hence, they don’t want anyone else to know other than themselves.

These are just 3 examples. The possibilities are endless. The point, however, is to remember that the person is not intentionally trying to harm you.

This helps because it gives you the strength you need to continue giving the addict what (s)he needs – love and grace.

However, we cannot allow ourselves to be deceived.

The best way to help an addict is for us to be fully aware of their true current condition.

With that said, the person may be telling you (s)he is clean.

But there are 3 guiding principles we can follow when it comes to dealing with addicts who we suspect may be lying to us.

Let’s delve into each one now.

1. Instinct Sees What Our Eyes Cannot

There are times when what we see and what we feel inside don’t line up.

What the person tells us doesn’t set right in our hearts. We hear their words, but deep inside, we hear another voice telling us that what they are saying isn’t true.

That is God whispering into your heart.

Some people call it a “hunch.” Others say, “I’ve just got a gut feeling.”

Regardless of what you call it, it is very important to listen to this voice.

God sees beyond the façade, the excuses, and the lies.

And sometimes, he will show you by giving you this “hunch” or “gut feeling.”

Even though this is beyond our natural 5 bodily senses, it is the most reliable sense from which we can get reliable information.

If the addict you love is telling you one thing, but what is inside of you is telling you something different – listen to the voice inside.

It will never lead you in the wrong direction.

2. Facts Speak Louder than Words

This point is especially important.

We love the addict so much, and want to believe that (s)he is recovering so badly, that we sometimes believe their promising words even when the facts say something different.

If a recovering alcoholic comes home, for example, and smells like liquor, the facts say (s)he drank that day. The person may say otherwise. They may tell you you’re crazy.

But listen.

If the person comes home, smells like alcohol, and says (s)he did not drink that means the person drank.

Regardless of how much we want to believe the addict we love did not slip. If the facts indicate the person is using, their words should not make us believe they are not.

The saying goes, “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck the reason is because it is a duck.”

Don’t deny the facts. Listen to them.

They always tell a very true side of the story.

3. Time Is the Test of Trust

It takes time to develop trust once it has been broken.

When lies are told and promises unkept, consistent behavior it what proves that true change has taken place.

Before you trust what an addict who has been lying to you says, it is wise to require the person to show consistent change before believing they are doing right.

Whatever is done in secret will always be revealed. Light eventually shines onto every activity done in the dark. This doesn’t always happen right away. That is why time is so important.

Improvements should be lived out.

Final Thoughts

If someone you love is on the road of sobriety but is lying to you, remember that (s)he isn’t doing it to hurt you.

But that doesn’t excuse the lying.

If you sense the person is being dishonest, listen to that voice inside – it is the most reliable source of information available.

Always trust the facts, even if what the person says is the opposite. Facts don’t lie. People do.

And let time run its course. Trust can be broken in a moment, but it is reestablished through consistency.

Justin FranichComment