Are You Seeing the Problem Clearly?
I'll never forget the last few months of my addiction. They were without a doubt the worst few months of during the 5 years that I face the problem of Meth. Not just for me, but also for the family that had cared about me through the entire time. At that time in my life I was too self-centered to see that pain and hurt that I was causing my family. What I realize now, many years later is how much the entire family absorbs and lives the lifestyle of the addict. My parents, whom with every decision were doing the absolute best they could, often times made decisions that enabled me to continue in addiction.
Enabling is offering the wrong kind of help.
Enabling is rescuing your loved one so they don't experience the consequences of their decisions.
It wasn't until another family crisis arose that this pattern finally stopped.
I want you to ponder this scenario for a moment; my parents are dealing with one addicted adult child living at home, battling addiction, with two other adult children battling addiction as well. While running out of options and having no clue on how they could help us, my Grandfather suffered multiple strokes. Caring for Granddad became to much for my Grandmother and my parents moved in with them to help care for them. This was the crisis that was happening in our family.
I think that there are those times in life when we are to close to a situation we can't see a way out. It's in these moments of frustration that often times we know what needs to be done but were blinded to what is obvious.
Yet in the middle of the crisis a solution presented itself.
Something amazing started to happen. As they began to move in to take some of the burden off of my Grandmother, she was in return able to take some of the burden off of them by helping them make the tough call.
The decision was simple. When my parents moved in with our Grandparents, they decided I couldn't come along. This was absolutely the most pivotal decision they could have made to help me see that I needed to change.
By making this call they took the crisis of my addiction off of their shoulders and placed it squarely back on mine where it belonged. See up until this point I had been a freeloader. Living at there home, coming back only when I had no where to go. Selling drugs and able to use all the money coming in to fuel an addiction. In the world of drug addiction I was living a life that I felt I had under control. There were scattered attempts to challenge me to change, but most were futile and ended up going no-where. Then all of a sudden my world that I thought I had under control changed in an instant.
This night, when I returned home things were different. See they had planned an "intervention" of sorts. While it wasn't as detailed as the ones that you have seen on TV it was effective. I walked in the door thinking everything was the same until they said these words "You either go to Teen Challenge or you are on your own."
They finally had enough!
This floored me. I had been confronted by Mom and Dad before, but never by my Grandmother. I wasn't even certain that she knew I was an addict. At least that's what I told myself. As an addict I went through all types of emotions that night, many that I had not experienced in a very long time. This was the very night that I decided to pursue help.
The rest of this story is a topic for another post. I shared all of that to come to this one question.
Are you seeing the problem clearly?
You don't have to ask someone to move out. That might not even be relevant to you. But you do have to stop enabling! Get some people in your life that will help you identify what the problem really is. Sometimes all you need is a fresh perspective to make the call that you should have made a long time ago.
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